I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
