My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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