I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
