Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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