I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
