I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
