I just cut my nipple shaving
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
