what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
