i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
