My room smells like vodka and shame
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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