Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
