she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
