It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
