imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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