I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just google imaged poop.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
