I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
