1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
