You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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