you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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