I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
