I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
