is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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