I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
