It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
