Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
