The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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