They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
