now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
