Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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