It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
