FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
