The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Everything about him screamed your future.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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