You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
