ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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