The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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