In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
