My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
