She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
