ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
