kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
