Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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