who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
