Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
