Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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