Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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