So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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