capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Randomize
