I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
