she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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