i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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