Pregnant stripper...not hot.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
