so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
