i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
