where am i from again
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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