My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
worst night to have a conscience
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
