It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I need help removing her.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
