I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
