The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize