One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
