and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
