Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
