Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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