you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
