Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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