Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
