Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
