You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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