Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
