i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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