I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize