porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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