Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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