So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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