If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
