Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
