Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
