Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
