One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
