I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
