Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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