I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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