my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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