Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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