Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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