Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
