I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
