It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
this hospital has no fireball
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
