either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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