saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
