Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
