So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
