he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
