theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
