All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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