Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
either way he was missing a nipple.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
