your parents love me but you hate me
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
